there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
