Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize