I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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