God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
