I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
