I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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