Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
