there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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