I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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