omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
