I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
