If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
