also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
