When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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