i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
