I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
