we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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