Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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