i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
