We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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