I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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