I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
