Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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