i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
