I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
