So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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