Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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