Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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