So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
