pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im holly from the hills drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I deserve this hangover.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize