Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
