The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a search helicopter?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
