so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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