He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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