I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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