I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
