So many bounce houses so little time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
