just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
