It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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