Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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