I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
