P.S. I can't hear my feet
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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