so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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