That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
