Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
