Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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