I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i will never coherently bang her
do herpes really smell.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
