we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
