My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
