I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
