Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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