I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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