Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
