He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
