Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
