you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
