I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
