Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
