I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
