Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
