day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
