He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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