I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i will never coherently bang her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
