I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize